Philosopher Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

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Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

How many IT techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

What do you call a self help book for a Country Music singer?

Drink, Pray, Truck

Greek Jokes More Greek Jokes

What do you get when hou bring a Greek and a Swede together?

Moose-saka

Why is there such a big contrast between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?

Because they're different cultures.

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What do math teachers grow?

Geometrees and trigonometrees

What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to?

Grow away.

Mo Jokes More Mo Jokes

What do you get if you mix..... Mexicans with Samoans?

Some mo Mexicans!

What's a nature philosopher's favorite rap song?

Thoreau some mo'

Soccer Jokes More Soccer Jokes

What was the first mention of soccer in the bible?

When Jesus went up for the cross.

What do you call siblings that play soccer?

Umbros

Kant Jokes More Kant Jokes

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture?

I can smell your Kant.

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What do you call a group of girls all named Paige?

A chapter.