Philosopher Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

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What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

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How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

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Kant Jokes More Kant Jokes

What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture?

I can smell your Kant.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

Karl Barx Jokes More Karl Barx Jokes

What's the most influental animal rights philosopher?

Karl Barx

What do you call a communist dog?

Karl Barx

Greek Philosopher Jokes More Greek Philosopher Jokes

Which Greek Philosopher was the easiest to manipulate?

Play-Doh

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of disorganized cats?

A cat-tastrophe.

What do you call a group of pillaging Huns?

An army of Hun-dread.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Soccer Jokes More Soccer Jokes

Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ?

Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !

What do you call siblings that play soccer?

Umbros

Plato Jokes More Plato Jokes

Why does everyone love Plato?

Because he loved Dogs and he had two sons named Plato and Socrates

Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth?

He didn't understand Flossophy!

Socrate Jokes More Socrate Jokes

What gym did Socrates go to?

The Y.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates