Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with?

Smoked Muenster.

What's a Tennessee tornado and a Texas divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?

Rogaine is a hell of a drug.

What did the Flower say to the Bees?

You know you want it, Honey"

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A: A dependent Claus.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

Why are you always tired, Dad?

my 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye.

Dad, can you put my shoes on?

I don't think they'll fit me.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target?

Of course, I'm shuriken.

What about a nice cream pie?

She asked. "Except that." I replied.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?

A pit bull in a kindergarten

How do babies get out of bellies?

ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO COVERED IN ICE CREAM: "How do babies get out of be---"

Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

Why did George cross the road?

He didn't look in both directions before crossing.

What is Rickon Stark's favorite band?

One Direction