Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know when a woman is pregnant?

She switches from Ragu to Prego.

What are the best funny fake names you know?

I submit - Craven Moorehead

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What did the Iraqi boy say when his dad forgot his rucksack?

Baghdad!

What has four legs but isn't alive?

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do?

Pee in a cup.

How far along are you?

ME: 5 stops.

Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions?

Arrows con Pollo

Where Your Children Are?

Even worse, the next song is called, "Can You Give Me Directions "