How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent?

It speaks in Polly-syllables!

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What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

Why is being a politician more difficult than being a ventriloquist?

Ventriloquists have to be able to speak with their mouths closed. Politicians speak out of both sides of their mouths simultaneously.

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How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

Straight up.

How do you tell a rabbit from a gorilla?

A rabbit doesn't look like a gorilla.

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What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

Where did you get him?

The parrot says, "Detroit."