How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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How can you tell that the movie Martian is not realistic?

Because Americans use imperial unit system.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

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How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.