How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, two... One, two.

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How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.