How much is a $1,000,000 Bill worth?

Nothing! You can't use it anywhere!

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Why do priests have lots of kids?

They always use the holy condoms.

What do you call it when a Bulgarian uses vulgar language?

A Bulgarity.

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Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?

Bernadette.