What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

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What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Why didn't the mentally challenged kid finish his math test in time?

Because he was too slow.

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What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

Why can't you tell a joke in a cornfield?

Because the stalks are all ears.

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What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?

Pirates.

What was the deaf mans favorite song?

The Sound of Silence.