What do the average woman and kids on a snow day have in common?

They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five.

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What does Michael Jackson do when he gets kids to the top of the Empire State building?

Tosses them off.

What's a mortician's least favorite day on the job?

Bring Your Kid to Work Day

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

How do you get rid of somebody?

Give them a ticket for a flight on Malaysian Airlines and hope that they will live up to their reputation!

Inch Jokes More Inch Jokes

What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies?

Almond Joy.

What do you do if your girlfriend is choking ?

Back up a few inches