What do you call a morbidly obese hippy?

Tie Dyeabetes

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What do you call an obese terrorist who plays for the Yankees?

Derek Bin Jeter

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

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Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What's a sailor's favorite kind of knot?

It's a tie.