What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.

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Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

Why can't the incredible hulk find a girlfriend?

Because all the girls know he just wants to smash

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Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail?

Because they couldn't cross the streams.

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?

Check, mate.

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Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What did the toilet say to the pee?

urine

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What happened to you ?

PATIENT:I am going to die in a minute. DOCTOR:wait I am coming with in five minutes.

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.