Wait Jokes

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

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What's the definition of eternity?

Four blondes waiting at a four way stop.

What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?

You're just going to have to be a little patient.

What is the hardest part about firing a black man?

Waiting for him to show up.

When jokes go to parties, where do they wait for drinks?

In the punchlines.

How do you keep idiots waiting?

I'll tell you later

How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

Why isn't there a Jared's for boys?

Oh wait, there is.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why wouldn't the Doctor wait in line?

He had no patients

What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?

Wait I freed ?!?!?"

How does a feminist screw in a light bulb?

She doesn't, she just holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

How do you know if a redditor gave money to Bernie Sanders?

Just wait 5 minutes. They'll post about it.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Where are you when you're in the U.K. waiting for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue

Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?

For the watch .

What do Italians do when they're waiting for somthing?

They pasta time.

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

What letter has to wait in line the longest?

How do we know Jesus was a man?

We've had to wait 2,000 years for his second coming.

How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.

Why was the Redditor mad at Reddit?

Because it made her wait seven minutes before posting something.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue drinking tea?

Because he didn't wait for it to be cool.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What has shadier inner workings, Reddit or FIFA?

Still waiting to hear back from an admin.

What did one hat say to the other hat?

You wait here, I'm going to go on a head.

How do you make an internet addict wait?

I'll tell you later.

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What do you call a squashed Italian?

A Nepalitano. Oh yeah - wait a sec - OK - for the low-info crowd here:

How do you make an idiot easily wait ?

I tell you tomorrow.

Why does a German always have the last laugh?

He has to wait for the verb.

Why are Slavs always squatting?

what else is there to do while you're waiting in line?

What animal is two animals at the same time?

The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait.

How many femenists does it really take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter how many femenists try, they can't change anything. Alternatively, they just hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How many women does it take to invent something?

Nobody knows, history is still waiting....

Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

What do you call an organized group of people waiting to get drinks?

Punchline

How do you get a Ford recalled?

Wait.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?

A barbecue

How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man?

Ten minutes.

What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?

The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

What's three times worse than OCD?

OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait...

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

How many SRSers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They wait for the electrician to make a mistake and yell at them for doing it wrong.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

How do you tell if somebody doesn't have a smartphone?

Just wait, they'll tell you.

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?

Both leave you waiting for the drop.

Why do so many Australian men experience premature ejeculation?

Because they cant wait to get out and tell all their friends about scoring.

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Oh, wait. That's a hardware problem.

How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job?

Oh, wait they're done.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

Why are Women like buses?

You wait all day for one then find out 48 other people in the local area have been riding on her.

How can you tell if someone uses Apple products?

Just wait and they'll tell you.

How does an engineer screw a light-bulb?

He holds the light-bulb over the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?

This IRS guy sounded pretty into me

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not a full dress shirt?

Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*

How does an elephant climb a tree?

A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.

Why is Viagra like Disneyworld?

You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride

This joke may have profanity.

How does an elephant get down from a tree ?

He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !

What's your excuse?

Well my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!

What are you waiting for?

A car.

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

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