What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

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Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies?

They were too far out.

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What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?

The loser was 'thore'"

What us the difference between white, brown and black people?

The time God took to cook us

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What do you call a monkey with a white bandanna tied to his tail?

A surrender monkey

How do you stop an Italian from talking?

Tie his hands together