What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion?

Two fingers.

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What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"

How the hell did you get a body like that?

he asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

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What 3 books would you have on a desert island?

ME: My first book is more books. F: What These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

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What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor?

Will I really sink if you take your fingers out

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What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion?

Two fingers.

Why can't Ben Carson help fix America's problems?

He's a neurosurgeon, not a proctologist.