What do you tell a diabetic girl in bed?

Hi sugar

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Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed?

Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me.

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

Tennish!

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What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle?

WRONG.** ... or right, or something in between.

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...