Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say Wife: You're consistent.
He was gladiator
I'm not coming in *this morning*"
The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.
My cat would be dead before I got 50
