What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

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How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

What do you get when you cross Christmas and a Duck?

A Christmas-Quacker!

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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back

Why does the corn get mad at the farmer?

Because he is always pulling on his ears.

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What did one eye say to the other eye?

Between you and me, something smells. Credit: Christmas cracker.

What did the sea say to the shore?

Nothing, he just waved. Christmas crackers are the worst.