What does Uncle Vernon not do today?

Post.

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Why is everyone smiling at me today?

checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah.

What do you call a chicken with no neck?

A Hic. ----- wife hit me with this one today. Remove the n. E. C. And k. From chicken and it spells hic. I'm sorry Reddit.

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What's the difference between a joke and your friend's blog?

You enjoy it when a joke is posted on Facebook

What do you call a midget fortune-teller who's on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.** (Hope this doesn't get posted often)

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What does Uncle Vernon not do today?

Post.

What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?

Post on Sundays.