What has 4308 eyes, 28957 legs, and 398503 teeth?

I don't know, but if you see it, RUN!

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What did the one banana say to the other banana who had his feelings hurt?

I know that peel.

How do pirates know that they exist?

They think, therefore they arrrr

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What did the recent KKK hit-and-run victim order at Starbucks?

A flat white.

How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.