What mammal dies after it mates?

Anyone that goes near my wife!

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

What did the autobots call Optimus Prime after he died?

Posthumous Prime

Mate Jokes More Mate Jokes

Who did the pirate lose his virginity to?

His first mate.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta