What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts?

An iPad.

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When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why couldn't the alligator satisfy his lover?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

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What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts?

An iPad.

How cheap are iPads now?

More importantly, how expensive are menus

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Why is Luis Suarez a c*nt?

Because he lives in Liverpool.

What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts?

An iPad.