What's long and thick and turns conservative women on?

The Bible

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How do you interrupt a vegans dinner?

Just turn on the sprinkler.

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

Why do feminist hate the bible?

Because it ends with A-men

Why do writers hate the bible?

It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc.