What time of day are you not able to find your watch?

4:04

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What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?

The Stunning-Cougar Effect.

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Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Why is the UK suddenly a happy place?

Because now they too have a day to light fireworks on!

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What's the worst part of having a lung transplant?

Knowing that the first couple of times you cough that the phlegm isn't yours.

How can you tell if your wife left you?

You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!

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Why were they called the dark ages?

Because there were so many knights! Credit: watching Mr. D on Netflix

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!