What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?

Canta Plaus.

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What's this?

Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch M: ...

What did the digital clock say to it's Mother?

Look Ma, no hands!"

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What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

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What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel?

A fireside rug you can get a good hump on.

What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

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Where did Sally go during the explosion?

Everywhere!

What's the best way to get a hold of Vin Diesel?

IM Groot.