Where is the best place to buy computer software?

Washington C.D

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Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?

Because the Disc was cracked

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

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Where's the best place to pick up a girl who plays hard-to-get?

Around the ankles and wrists :D

Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.

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What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common?

They're both under DC.

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.