Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the bridge?

Tequila

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

TUH KEELLUHHH!!!

Gift Jokes More Gift Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

God Jokes More God Jokes

How do you make God laugh?

Tell him your plans.

What do bostonians call dogs that protect heaven's gates?

God dogs

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman?

No, wait.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Airport Jokes More Airport Jokes

Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?

Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

Why was the airport depressed?

It had a terminal illness.

Punish Jokes More Punish Jokes

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Glue doorknobs to the walls.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.