How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Who has two thumbs and looks an awful lot like Alec Baldwin?

Alec Baldwin

Why did the brother octopi look so alike?

They were itentacle twins.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

How do pianists remember which groceries to buy?

They use a Chopin Liszt!

Why shouldn't you buy trousers from northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear?

Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim

Mirror Jokes More Mirror Jokes

What does a dog see in the mirror?

A chair

Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?

Necking.

Why do Vampires hate Writers?

Because they hate Type O's

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny