When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Don't look at the eclipse through a colander.

You'll strain your eyes.

Which French novelist looked like a scrotum?

Balzac

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How flexible are you?

He asked. I can't do Tuesdays. -Tommy Cooper

What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food?

SHORYUKEN***

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Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

Twitter only allows 160 characters

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

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What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone?

You get a frizzy signal!

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How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

What sort of undergarments does a succinct pugilist wear?

Boxer briefs!

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What are we going to do?

The other replied "Quick turn the car into a side street."

What I reply with when someone asks, "What'd the comment say?

Removed

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do birds give out on Halloween?

A: Tweets.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.