When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did the stoplight say to the car?

Don't look, I'm changing!

What does a pirate call three feet?

A YAAAARRRRGGGG!! Oh look a door.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the doctor say to the angry midget?

I'm going to ask you to be a little patient."

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce?

x-post from askreddit) Worsheshershershosh.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What do Twitter users and lollipops have in common?

They're mostly Dum Dums.

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

for 2 weeks.

What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?

A party line!

Sort Jokes More Sort Jokes

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

Why did the police arrest the sidewalk sidewalk?

It always had some sort of weed on it!

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What do you think you're doing?

the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... "writing an ese"

Why so?

The light bulb replies, "I'm a light headed!"

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How do Baroque composers tweet?

Through their twitter Handel! ..... I am so sorry

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"