When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did the stop light say to the car?

Don't look I am changing

What do I look like?

A JOKE MACHINE!?

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What did the Native American pirate say when asked his heritage?

Arrrrrr Metis!

What did Jared say when the girl asked him for a footlong?

That he only has a 6 inch.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

How do Baroque composers tweet?

Through their twitter Handel! ..... I am so sorry

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

Why are there so many Asians?

Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.

Why can't two jealous people talk on the phone together?

It is always an insecure line!

Sort Jokes More Sort Jokes

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics ?

All sorts of antics !

What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up?

Is this some sort of yolk

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What's up, punk?

Nothing," he replied, "I've just never seen a man using hair rollers before."

What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter?

They were ravin' with Raven.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.