Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did you do before you were married sir?

A: *with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do ...

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did the acronym buff decide to go join the etymologists instead?

He heard they had PIE.

Why did the book join the police?

He wanted to work undercover.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What is the type of humor do you hate the most?

Dark humor... I hate it when black people tell jokes.

What kind of music did Jesus hate?

Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?

Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

Where do weirdos ride their bicycles?

Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here