Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?

He loved to sing "Oinkers Aweight"

Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces?

For the chance to gain some experience in the service.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What's Cain's favorite genre of music?

Rock, I hear his brother hates it though.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones?

There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What branch of the military did the hipster join?

The Salvation Army.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"