Mirror Jokes

Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?

So they can see the battle.

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What does George Weasley see in the Mirror of Erised?

His reflection.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

In a mirror.

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi!

How can you tell when an idiot's depressed?

Go stand in front of a mirror

What color are mirrors?

I don't know, let's reflect on this.

What did the cheese say to itself in the in the mirror?

halloumi

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

What is the best part about taking a shower?

Not being able to see yourself in the mirror afterward.

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

Why does a blonde woman close her eyes in front of the mirror?

To see how she looks like when sleeping.

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What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror?

I can see my shelf"

What did the neckbeard say when he looked in the mirror?

M'self

What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "jesus christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

What does Han Solo see looking into the mirror?

Han Double

What job can you see yourself doing?

Inspecting mirrors

What does a dog see in the mirror?

A chair

What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror?

Hallooooo me!

What type of cheese can you see in a mirror?

Halloumi! (Hello me)

What do you call a twig that won't stop looking in the mirror?

A narcissistick.

Why do French tanks have review mirrors?

Because they want to see the front line too

Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?

Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied

Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?

A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!

How can you double your money?

Look at it in a mirror.

What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?

He left lip prints on the mirror!

What happens if you put a mirror in a garage?

A mirage!

How much for the mirror?

Ma'am that's the cover of Vogue

What do you get when you cross a camera with a mirror?

A: A camera that takes pictures of itself.

Why did the stoner admire himself in the mirror everyday?

Because he has a high opinion of himself

Where will you see yourself in 15 years?

A Mirror

What do me and a mirror have in common?

A.When we see your face we both crack up!

Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?

A: So she could use it as a mirror.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree

Why did the kids tell jokes to the mirror?

They wanted to see it crack up!

Why did the invisible man look in the mirror?

To make sure he still wasn't there.

How much for the supermodel?

winks seductively "Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."

Why didn't the paraplegic look in the mirror?

He couldn't stand to see himself like that.

What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ?

My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

What's the worst part about making out with a perfect 10?

The cold feeling on your lips when you realize you're kissing the mirror

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

Where's the best place to look for a joke?

The mirror

Why did the mirror have holes in it?

A: A moron kept trying to shoot himself.

Why should you never disturb a mirror?

Because they are always reflecting.

What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.

What goes "krab krab krab"?

A: A dog barking in a mirror.

How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror?

Oh questions about the job No I'm good."

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10 Year Jokes More 10 Year Jokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what ! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?

Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

Why was Cleopatra angry?

She was on her pyramid. Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Lord Jokes More Lord Jokes

Why didn't Peter Jackson cast any black actors in The Lord Of The Rings?

He was afraid they wouldn't be taken on their merits, that they'd just be seen as Tolkien blacks.

Why is God depressed?

Imagine...*You* Being God, the Lord, Him... But imagine us.

Han Solo Jokes More Han Solo Jokes

What does Han Solo call a sick Chewbacca?

A Chewie

What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

Halloumi Jokes More Halloumi Jokes

Which cheese is schizophrenic?

Halloumi

What did the cheese say to itself in the in the mirror?

halloumi

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why use words you don't understand in your tweets?

It just makes you look photosynthesis.

When I look up at the majesty of all them stars it really gets me to thinkin, when we gonna get that ding dong roof patched up!?

Ah horse apples!

Idiot Jokes More Idiot Jokes

How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots?

HELLLOOOOO AMERICA!

Why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore?

There are plenty there that are free. Just walk and you are bound to find at least 40. Idiot

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has two legs and red all over?

Half a puppy... I'm sorry

What has got 8 legs and 1 eye?

2 chairs and a half of a fish.