Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

What do you call it when alpacas with speech impediments take over Earth?

The Alpacalisp.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why won't Bernie Sanders win the rational election?

Because he's two radical.

What does a traffic cop do when he wins some money?

Buys an intersection for a private business work.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

What is the Speed of Darkness?

Batman!

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman?

He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight.

Why does vampire Superman want to go out?

Because he doesn't want to be around the crypt tonight. (you can tell i made that up)