Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

They're Meteor!

What does earth say to the other planets?

You have no life

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What do you get when you win the laziest man in the world contest?

Atrophy.

What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What do you say when a woman falls off a boat?

Full speed ahead!"

What do they say when a woman falls over?

FULL SPEED AHEAD!" Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch v=OA8TlOsVw#t=82

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What did the young witch say to her mother ?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.