Why are there broken condoms on our couch???

Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names?

This joke may have profanity.

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Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What did the couch say to the armchair?

Don't worry, I pull out.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?

I don't know, I just fly the drones.