Why are there broken condoms on our couch???

Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names?

This joke may have profanity.

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Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How many Duggar does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw children, not light bulbs.

Why doesn't ISIS attack Israel?

Same reason children don't attack their parents...