Couch Jokes

What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

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Why are there broken condoms on our couch???

Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names?

This joke may have profanity.

What do cows sit on?

Couches

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What is the difference between a black man and a couch?

A couch can support a family

What is the difference between a black guy and a couch?

One can actually support a family.

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

Why did Bibi Netanyahu lie on a couch licking his balls?

Likud.

What do you get when two Samoans Fall off a couch?

Tufaloffahsofa

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

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What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture.

Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch?

Because they have no attachments.

What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch?

Namaste

What did the couch say to the armchair?

Don't worry, I pull out.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What does the hippie bum say when you tell him he can no longer sleep on your couch?

Namaste

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

What did the hipster say... ...when he was told to get off the couch?

Nah-imma-stay"

How about a guillotine?

Wife: Me: I'll be on the couch.

What's the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls out.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste

What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste (better to say it aloud)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

What did the hippie say when he was kicked off the couch?

Namaste

What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch?

Namaste

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When she approached my car window I asked what's wrong officer?

She said "ugh nothing!"

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

Utterly useless

How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

Marry Couple Jokes More Marry Couple Jokes

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How do you know a Muslim is lying?

their lips are moving

How can you tell a black person is lying?

His lips are moving.

Samoan Jokes More Samoan Jokes

What's the only thing in the world that's bigger than a Samoan man?

His wife.

What do you get if you mix..... Mexicans with Samoans?

Some mo Mexicans!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did the trout leave the cult?

They were too sacrifishal

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

Namaste Jokes More Namaste Jokes

What does a hippy tell you when you ask them to leave?

Namaste

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time a rye-ot

What dance do hippies hate?

A square dance.