Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?

A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

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Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

A: Because she didn't know which one came first!

What happens when you see two twin sister witches?

You don't know which witch is which!

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What do you call the guy you buy your weed from?

Your chron-tact.

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What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

Fight for your right to padre

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.