Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?

It twerks!" I don't know how this came to me..

What's the perfect line of work for a lizard?

Re-tail.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator?

This place rocks!"

What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?

It wood rock.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking