Why do people procrastinate?

I'll tell you later.

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What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid?

Nike. Their motto says just "Just do it".

What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's?

A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

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How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

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What do you call a fruit that procrastinates?

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates? ...A Cramberry!

When's the best time to procrastinate?

Later.