Can I watch the TV?

Yes, but don’t turn it on.

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How many IT professionals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Have you tried turning it off and back on?

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Ayeee-Matey

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Why do blacks keep on getting stronger?

TVs are getting heavier.

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money?

By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

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I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I ever saw

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.