How did Jesus stay in such good shape?

Cross fit.

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What do you get when you cross Jesus and a couple of criminals?

A good Friday

Why didn't Jesus get into college?

Because he got nailed on the boards.

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the sorting hat say to the quadriplegic?

Stay here, I'll just go on ahead.

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How did Jesus stay in such good shape?

Cross fit.

Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?

He was Cross-Fit.