Stay Jokes

How does water stay warm during the winter?

It wears an aqua-fur.

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Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

What advice would you give to a fish?

Stay in school and keep up with current affairs.

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar?

They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

What do you call a stay at home dad?

Unemployed.

Why did the hipsters die of dehydration?

They stayed away from the mainstream.

What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?

Jesus in a submarine.

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How did Jesus stay in shape?

Crossfit

How can you tell a hippie's been in your house?

He's still there when you get home. What's he say when you tell him to leave? "Na, 'ma stay"

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?

He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

What do you call and Irish person who stays outside all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

Why is it so hard to find Thor's brother?

Because he stays low key

What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?

A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog

How do jockeys stay on their horses?

Jockey straps.

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers?

Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm.

What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio?

Nah, I must stay.

How do you stay warm outside in the winter?

You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.

How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?

The screen stays black when you check the time.

What did the yoga teacher say to her land lord when he tried to evict her?

Nah Imma stay

What do little green men do to stay in shape?

They do Yoda.

Why is it better to date a woman with heavy thighs during the winter?

Your ears stay warmer.

What did "Nock" say to "K"?

You can join us, as long as you stay quiet.

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What's the difference between the English rugby team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer! (im so sorry -)

What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?

You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night, wondering if there is a dog.

What does an agnostic man with insomnia and dyslexia do in his free time?

He stays awake all night wondering if there's a Dog.

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What did the sorting hat say to the quadriplegic?

Stay here, I'll just go on ahead.

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is dog.

Why Did The NSA Worker Have To Stay In Russia?

He Was Snowed In(Snowden) )

What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet?

A stay at home dad

What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

How do you stay hidden in the Desert?

Camal-Flage

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio Furniture

What always stays hot in the refrigerator?

Horseradish

What do you call a dyslexic insomniac philosopher?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and agnostic?

Someone who stays up wondering if there is a dog.

What are your best racist jokes?

I find racist jokes to be the funniest! Share your best racist jokes here, but please stay respectful ;)

How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

What gets harder the longer it stays in your mouth?

Bubblegum

Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter?

Swarm.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up at night, wondering if there's a dog.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

What do you call an Irish woman who stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

What do you say to a dangerously cheesy chicken?

Stay out of parms way.

Why can't Iron Man stay in a steady relationship?

He has rust issues.

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage?

WATAAAH! 2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger? WHOPPAH! 3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight? HYAAAAATT!

Why do white girls always stay in groups of odd numbers?

Because they can't even...

How do you know you let a hippie stay at your house?

He's still there.

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

He stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What did the hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

How do you know when you're staying in a hillbilly hotel?

When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

How do you know if you are having a good time?

When you throw your knickers against the wall, and they stay there.

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

What do you get when you're agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac?

You stay up all night wondering if there's a dog.

What did one hat say to another?

You stay here, I'll go on a head!

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What did the hat say to the hat rack?

You stay here, I'll go on a head

What do you say to a handicapped dog?

Stay"

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?

Stays up all night pondering the existence of a dog

What does it mean to be an Agnostic with insomnia and dyslexia?

You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Whats Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I'll go on ahead...."

How do Eskimo fleas stay warm?

A flea's blanket.

What did the hippie say when his girlfriend told him to move out?

Nah, I'm a stay. (namaste)

What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?

Patty O'Furniture.

What do you call a hacker who stays home when it snows outside?

Edward Snowed-in!

Why will you never see a stag on the internet?

They like to stay anony-moose

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day?

A: He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

What's the first step of fire safety?

4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Where did the newlywed horses stay?

In the bridle suite!

How can environmental scientists stay on top of the global warming issue?

They climate.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?

They stay stuck in adolescence.

What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day?

It goes into a barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art?

Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"

Where'd the rabbi stay on business?

The L'Hyatt

What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?

An un-in.

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