How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

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How did they break in?

Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it Me: They threw it through the window.

What's the hardest thing about having a colostomy bag?

Finding shoes to go with it.

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Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

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What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles?

Stumped

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.

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Why does government matter?

It doesn't.

Why was the electron mad?

Well, it doesn't really matter...