How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.

Why is diabetes like a fumble recovery?

Because you didn't know they had it.

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

Who answers the Crime Stoppers Hotline?

Stymied Coppers

What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

How many plug-in air fresheners does it take to mask the decay of human flesh?

I'm asking for for a friend.

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

Tv Jokes More Tv Jokes

Where do tv's go on vacation?

To remote Islands

Why are TV's attracted to people?

Because we turn them on. / /

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

What was the question?

Son: "Who's farted"

How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.