How do you weight a fish?

With a scale.

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Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What type of fish needs to be tuned?

Tune a fish

What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes?

HOLY MACKAREL!

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels?

Because the cons outweighed the prose.