What did 0 say to 1?

You're turning me on!

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What do you call two obese lesbians who are about to turn in for the night?

Bedward ScissorHams

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

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What did the frozen scientist say?

It's fine, I'm 0K"

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A: a $20 bill

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Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out?

Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.

Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk?

He can't stand the 1%