What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"

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What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

What is Jesus' favorite gun?

a nail gun!

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What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas??

A: Nothing - he'll just return it!

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

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How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it.

Why can't we edit tweets?

Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."