What does a gang say on December 25th?

Merry Crips-mas

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Why isn't the holiday on December 25th pronounced "Chlistmas"?

Because there's no L.

What did the strawberry say on December 25th?

Berry Christmas!

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What's the difference between a gang of pygmy's and a women's track team?

One is a Cunning group of Runts.....

What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.