What is the definition of masurbation?

Coming unscrewed

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Who came first, the chicken or the egg?

They came together, it was a perfect lay.

Who came in first?

The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last That would be the baked egg.

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What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What's the definition of divorce?

The screwing you get for the screwing you got!