What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

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How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. But it takes the whole ER to get it out.

What's the difference between a daydreamer and a pervert?

A daydreamer stares out of windows.

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Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5