How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

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Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix?

One I say one.

Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies?

He had Jello fever!

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight?

Just one with depression.

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

What do you get if you push a piano out of a plane over a military base?

A flat major

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How did my operation go Doc?

Dr What Dr Omg I've only got half a colon

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb?

8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything.

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

Chip Jokes More Chip Jokes

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

Why did the reporter only dunk chips in the middle of the dip?

He just wanted the inside scoop.