00 Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

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What's the difference between a green lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a green lentil on my face.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the boxer bring a bar of soap into the ring?

The referee said he wanted a clean fight. :D

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Repost Jokes More Repost Jokes

What do you call a popular joke on reddit?

repost

How do you call a man without a body and a nose?

Nobody knows. Sorry if it is a repost

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

Why didn't Oscar Pistorius get a new bathroom door?

Because his wife was dead-set against it...

Why is the topmost floor the best place to drink in?

That's how you set the bar high.

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

Spud Lover Jokes More Spud Lover Jokes

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?

A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.

911 Jokes More 911 Jokes

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

Why are blacks excited for 2016?

Because it is the year of the monkey.

What's the worst time of the year for the Slinkies factory?

Spring break. BA DUM TISS