What's a shy and retiring accountant?

An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

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What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people?

1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired

What do you call a fly when it retires?

A flew. BUH DUM TSS! No Alright.. I'll see myself out.

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?

Depreciation.

What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party?

x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!