Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

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What did Elmo take before he left the tickle factory?

Two test tickles

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

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What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish ?

Tsardines !

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Why does the NSA hate the winter?

They got snowed in.

Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!